I am 30, and it's been 11 years
I've been shaking for weeks. My wedding anniversary was wonderful. I've been married 8 years. My birthday is a couple weeks after our anniversary. That's when the shaking started, because after my anniversary, I think "it's my birthday soon". But it's not always super exciting, happy, because when my birthday comes, I think "I am __ this year, and it's been __ years since I was raped." There's no just "it's my birthday!" the rape part follows. It's not always bad. Every year is different. Some years I am really proud of where I am. Some years, like this year, I am mad, because after 11 years, I am still shaking. I had to accept that the PTSD will never leave. I get better all the time at handling it, but it will never leave. Lately, even the slightest inconvenience sets it off. I spiral. I panic, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's the only thing I hate about myself. For a long time, I felt like