Rape Survivor: My experience, and journey of healing

    This post will be a little bit different than my other posts, mostly because it delves into other aspects of my personal life that I don't usually talk about. The holidays this year have been really hard for me, starting with Halloween. My son is autistic, he doesn't care about things like that, which is fine. He is his own beautiful person that I wouldn't change for the world. But for some reason this year, I've wanted to pretend like the holidays don't exist. My son wanted to go on a walk while the trick or treaters were out, and it broke my heart a bit. To add to my anguish, I was in a pretty bad car accident that thankfully was not my fault, but it has rendered me unable to perform a lot of the things that I need to. The day after Halloween, I had a nervous breakdown. Because of my existing issues with anxiety and depression, everything hit me pretty hard. I've also had to work a lot more than usual, hitting almost full time every week since the accident

    I've been told by one of my therapists, that I still suffer from PTSD. I didn't realize it, until I saw my ex a few months ago for the first time since the rape. I was pissed. I'm still pissed. I saw the bastard while I was working. He wasn't supposed to be there. He doesn't even live here. But there he was. I sensed him before I saw him, then I broke down. I tried to stay strong, but I couldn't. I had a full panic attack in the back of the restaurant, with sobbing, horrifying flashbacks for two hours. I wasn't safe anymore. He saw me. He knew where I worked. I hate that. I felt safe, and now I don't. You know what else? Now I have been having nightmares ever since. I've had to get on an anti-depressant and sleeping pills. I've had to get a prescription for Xanax for the freak outs. I've been reading articles on how to help my PTSD symptoms because it doesn't seem to be getting better.    And guess what. I am pissed. It will be 8 yea