Rape Survivor: My experience, and journey of healing

Sometimes I get discouraged. When I look back at who I used to be, I know I am not the same. I know I will never be the same. My anxiety will get the best of me every now and again. I will have flashbacks when I feel threatened by a man. I will be overly observant when I am out and about. I will be less forgiving, and I won’t trust anyone right off the bat. I struggle to find the ‘good’ in people when all I see is ‘bad’. When someone betrays me, I almost can’t get over it. Every effort to trust or forgive someone that hurts me now is almost impossible. Sometimes, I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I used to be so much more positive, naturally happier, so much more loving. That person is gone. If I want to keep my sanity, I have to try to always stay positive. I have to push out my anxiety-prone thoughts. I have to make such a great effort to be happy, and see the good in people and myself. I get pissed so easily now it’s like the flip of a switch. I have to control th...

Right after I was raped, I struggled with every day things. I was going to a community college close to where I lived, and there was some time where I didn’t go to my classes, or do any of my homework. I literally could not handle menial day to day things.  There was a few times where I called my mom to pick me up in the middle of my class because something triggered a flashback, and I had a breakdown.  I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t eat. I felt empty, broken. My chest was an abyss of complete and utter pain and heartache, and nothing I did filled the void. Nothing I did seemed to matter. I felt like all of my actions were worthless, and every move I made was pointless. It was the most numbing, miserable, unbearable time of my life. Since I was in denial for so long, and had such a hard time coping with the reality that I was raped, it took longer for me to start recovering and healing. It took me almost 3 years before I hit rock bottom, and realized I needed some serious hel...