The more I think and write about what happened, the more I
remember. It’s insane to me that I can remember so many specific details and
word for word conversations. And it’s pretty hard to believe that after all that,
I still saw him for another two weeks. I admit, I was afraid of leaving him. I
felt trapped with him, like a hostage. There was no way out of the relationship
any more. I continued giving him what he wanted, even intimately; because I was
afraid he would hurt me. And for two weeks, I was planning the rest of my life
with him. I saw him almost every day. He even showed up at my house in the middle
of the night; standing outside of my window, continuing to instill the fear
that he put on me that I could never leave him.
As the days
passed, I thought about what happened constantly, trying to wrap my mind around
what had actually happened. Of course, the event pointed to rape. No matter how
many different ways I tried to look at it, I knew deep down he raped me. While
we were driving around together one day, I straight up told him “You know you
raped me right? After we had lunch a few days ago, you raped me.” He looked at
me and said “I know I raped you, it was the only way that I could get you to
stay with me. I knew that if I did that, you would be too scared to leave me.”
I never thought it was possible to feel as horrified, terrified, sick, and
heartbroken all at once the way I did after he said that to me. What a sick
human being. I don’t even know this person anymore.
While we
were eating dinner with a few of his friends at a restaurant a couple days
later, he was talking to all of us about going up to college soon. I told him I
would go with him, and he said “No, I want to date other people, if you’re
there I won’t be able to”… NO??? How could he say NO after what he did to me?! He
forced me to stay with him by defiling me and scaring the hell out of me, and
now he was leaving me alone so he could go to school and date other people? No
way… If he could get out of it, why couldn’t I?
So once
again, I attempted to leave him. As soon as I got home after the dinner, I
called him up. I told him since he was going up to college to date other
people, there was no reason for me to stick around and watch him be with other
girls. I felt good about it. I was done this time! But once again, he wanted to
talk me out of it. He said he made a mistake and didn’t mean what he had said,
that he only wanted to be with me and I could go with him to school. Since I
was afraid of what leaving him would do to me, I agreed, again, to meet him; in
a public place so we weren’t alone.
What better
place than a gas station. There’s a ton of people coming and going constantly.
It also was right on the corner of a decently busy intersection, so that is
where I said I would meet him. I stayed in my car and rolled the driver’s seat window
down. He stayed in his car too, parked next to me, and rolled his passenger
seat window down. He told me to come sit in his car with him that he didn’t want
to talk to me like this. I said no. He opened the passenger door and said “Just
come sit on the seat, you can leave the door open.” I said fine. I left my door
open too. I sat barely on the edge of the seat, as far away from him as I could
possibly be. But of course, he didn’t want to talk…
He grabbed
me as hard as he could with one arm and pulled me into the car. My arms were
pinned to my chest, and even with flailing as hard as I could, I couldn’t get
away. He reached over me with his other arm, shut the car door and locked it.
While he was still holding me with his right arm, he put the car in drive and
started leaving the parking lot. I started screaming and told him to let go of
me. I was yelling for help, but no one could hear me. No matter how hard I
kicked and bit he wouldn’t let go. I still don’t know how he held me so
strongly with one arm. I was terrified. I didn’t know what he was going to do,
or where we were going. I screamed at him asking him where he was taking me,
and he said “I’m not telling you, but you will never be able to leave me.”
Then it
started to set in… he’s going to kidnap me. What am I going to do? So
immediately I calmed down and I said “I will go anywhere with you I promise.
But you have to let go of me. I will stop screaming and kicking, I promise.” So
finally he did.
We started
to pull up to a green light. He had his signal on to go right at the upcoming
intersection, onto the freeway. There was no way I was going to be able to get
away now. But suddenly, the light turned red. There was a car in front of us,
so we couldn’t turn right until the car moved. This was my only chance. I got
him to look somewhere else while I slowly and quietly reached over and unlocked
the door. I started to become really scared, I didn’t know if he was going to
grab me again. So I waited until the light turned green, the car in front of us
started to drive and without a second thought I opened the door as quickly as I
could and jumped out onto the road. I didn’t shut the door so I would have more
time to get away, and I sprinted back to the gas station to get to my car and
escape. The driver’s door was still open, and everyone was staring at me like I
was crazy. I jumped in my car and sped off out of the parking lot and back
home.
On my way
home, he called me. I don’t remember what I screamed at him other than leave me
alone and I’m changing my phone number so you can never contact me again. But
his response to me almost suffocated me: “Kileigh, you can run and hide, you can change
your phone number, but I know where you live. I will always find you. You can
never leave me.” I hung up, pulled over on some random part of the road before
I got home, and sobbed. What am I going to do now?
I feel like
I am writing a fictional story. Even as I am going over this in my mind, I
still can’t believe that this happened to me, this terrible, horrifying
experience. It’s like something out of a horror film. When I think about these
situations, I still can feel the pain, the fear, and the emptiness in my soul
that I thought could never be filled. I literally never thought I would be able
to escape him, and I was still too scared to tell anyone about what was
happening to me.
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